Archive | November, 2013

Away from home!

10 Nov

The world taught me to appreciate my family. The world taught me to appreciate my own self. The world taught me to appreciate the time given to me. The world taught me to live selflessly.
When I was 16 I could not wait to leave home and start my own life. To go and explore the world, face it head on. To feel the rush, the thrill, the excitement to push the limits, to tread the unknown paths, to break all rules, in order to make new ones.
Soon I realized I had to wait a little longer before I could accomplish that. But for the next 5 years I was a rebel. I broke the rules and very clearly expressed my displeasure to my parents in the form of disrespect, shrugging, not listening and most of all not spending any time with them. Somewhere they gave up. They let me be and I counted days when it will be finally the time to fly in the open sky.
As the wait came to an end things did not work out in my favour. I tried hard to get out but the lack of never leaving home played a big hand. My life had taken a new turn and hence I followed the bend. This meant staying for another 3+ years. I was older & mature now but continued to reject the love & affection of my family. I distant myself from my cousins, sister and parents. I wanted this to be easy when the time came. I wanted no attachments. And so I created my own alternate life. I made friends through the years, I lost friends who could not keep pace. I travelled across the country, I gave up a few things and learned new ones. All this while taking everything my family gave- their support, love, care and hope, I disregarded and took them for granted. My dad always told my sister and me in his wise tone- “When you will be in trouble only your family will be with you not your friends”. We both scoffed it off. But only after all these years I admit he was right (as always).
Friends are special no doubt and some are lucky to meet people who stick by their friends through it all. It’s true that friends make you laugh and smile and know how to fill that void. But as I have grown older, wiser and seen the world, I learned that people move on as their life takes a new turn. People loose touch because they have met new people at new places. People become distant and cold because of differences and misunderstandings.
After 13 years my dream is still unfulfilled. I still live with my parents and have never lived by myself. I have lost touch with my childhood friend, I have had issues with people I have known for all these years. After all these years my friends cannot identify or recognize the real me. And all this while my family patiently waited for me to turn around and look at them. To spend time with them. So for last few years I appreciate those who stood by me silently- giving me the space I needed to grow and learn. I have learned to be discerning in choosing friends and people I want to invest my time in. I have realized that I have the best time with my family even if that is just watching the tv or with their friends. I realized I will leave this house and be gone soon- for good and even if I want I won’t be able to spend time with them. So I want to spend as much time being near and close to my parents who loved me without expecting anything in return.
The more I have seen the world, the more I do not want to leave home.