Are we loving right?

21 Feb

Royalty Free RF Clip Art Illustration Of A Cartoon Couple Engaged In An Argument

I have always wondered about the phrase “You bring out the worst in me”. I have never really understood it until one day I witnessed something that made me think and search the answer to the question that dwelt on my mind: “Are people what we make them to be?” Do we have the power to make them loving, kind, considerate and understanding just by our behaviour and how we treat them? I have seen so many couples not working out and then just working out perfectly well with someone else. How is that even possible? Things that were evidently wrong like short-tempered, possessive, stingy, uncaring suddenly change to patient, kind, giving and dotting. Either we are doing something wrong or something is setting off their wrong to become right by this significant other. It’s a very difficult equation to grasp I know. But it is still something that I am looking to research some more. Couples break-up all the time saying “You just not right for me?” Is this what they mean? Are they naturally bad or do we bring out the bad in them? 

I am wondering if my theory can save marriages or relationships that are at the brink of their break-up. If not atleast I can have a reasonable reason to believe why some relationships don’t just work out even though they are meant to be. Let’s do this: Pick up any couple you know well and see what brings out the best in them? Is it their spouse or their children or their parents or even their pets? Then see how their ‘reason’ talks to them, treats him/her in front of others and watch his/her reactions closely. You will see the person who once would eat off the head of anyone who cut him on the road now just moves aside and allows him to pass. You will notice a guy who could barely express any feelings, throwing a romantic dinner for two at a open air restaurant with the works – violin, flowers, champagne. You will observe a girl who never once stopped to listen to what her guy had to say now sits with rapt attention savouring every word of her new beau. Can people change? Of course, you would say. But then were they always this way all along and we just failed to unveil that part of them? Or did we change them to be who they are not? 

Being yourself in a relationship is key. Any relationship not just a romantic ones. These days holding up a friendship also is an act that requires Shakespearean expertise. So does that mean in order to find someone with whom you can be your ‘good’ self and in whom you can bring out the best will require many combinations and permutations? Or does it simply mean that you being a good person will set everything right? How hard is it? Don’t you think if you were loving, giving, selfless, patient, kind, forgiving, understanding, apathetic,empathetic, simple and caring, one won’t have an option but to love you with all honesty. You cannot shun such a person or hate someone who gives you all of that. Think of your parents who love you even if you haven’t called them all year or seen them in three years. They continue to love you with fervour.Let’s take a perfect example of true love – GOD. He loves us so much that even though we do not merit it He continues loving us (John 3:16). It will be hard to ever accomplish that ‘agape’ love. But we can try to at least be a close second best in loving those who are in our lives.

We always blame circumstances for things not working out – “it was never meant to be”. But are they only circumstances that makes relationship fail or is it time we take the responsibility of how a relationship shapes up? No relationship is perfect. No man is either. In our imperfectness we can make nothing perfect. We need God and his existence in our life to keep us concious in our relationships. It needs work, concious and deliberate work. Husbands you have to get ready for a long midnight conversation with rapt attention and a warm hug:  when you are tired from work and do not want to hear her go off about how her friend or colleague did her wrong. Wives you will have to get ready to slap a smile on your face and bounce back to life: when you are swamped with housework and only now sat down in front of the TV to relax with a nice hot coffee when he walks in all hungry and grumpy. Sounds like I am suggesting you to put on an act. Maybe for the first two or three times it will take an effort but when you will see that smile on her face returning as you listen her out patiently or when he fondly looks at you with contentment and happiness, you will willingly do it for the rest of your life. It is indeed hard to put him/her before you. It is definitely tiring to always be kind and caring. But when you stop living for yourself but him, he will live for you and not for himself too. Such an attitude and willingness to give yourself to your significant other will come only from God (Bible reference: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Each day you will need to draw your strength and patience from his well of wisdom and word. You are in control of your actions, behaviour, moods and words. With that you can either make your relationship or break it. What will you chose? 




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