Your world just got better – because of YOU!!

As a child we look at the world as a big, massive thing. The geography we learnt for all the years showed us how even 10 years of learning the same cannot do justice of emphasizing how vast this world is. But as we grow old or should I say grow-up we see the world around us shrink.

From 10 best friends in school to 5 in college to 2 as we steadily approach towards our career and none as we start a family. From being a block away to down the lane to moving cities and eventually moving countries. From having a huge family to rarely seeing them once in three months. From being carefree to worrisome. From being happy to resentful – our world is constantly shrinking as we grow old enough to fit into these often spoken about boots and bust our backsides to the grave.

‘Stop and smell the roses’ or ‘World hold on’ or ‘Stop the clock’ (this does not apply to the biological clock) . I have read enough poetries, songs and books that coax us to get out of the room we have confined our worlds to and step out and dare to live – but I have realized that few have the courage to. We always think – but I have a stable job, I have a loving family, I can’t leave this one or that one behind. We tie ourselves down with these imaginary ropes and then slowly start narrowing our lives to please those people just so that we get the satisfaction of living a big happy life. The only truth to this is – we are living a lie.

How many times have you hung out with a bunch of people you only smile at all evening without actually talking about anything substantial or real, meanwhile thinking in your head please kill me with that butter knife. Makes me want to think if that’s the reason why most group of people refrain from going to quite dinners and instead choose loud noisy and cheap alcohol places, just so that they can force themselves to have a good time – hence explaining the expression “happy high”. Also, how many times you have said – “I wish I could just go for a retreat, a holiday -ALONE! ” But never to actually leave your doorstep to even go to a spa or visit your parents unless there is an emergency. How many times have you tried making friends with your colleagues by choosing to hate the same people? Only to turn around and see the so called friend being the best friend with your enemy. Successful in convincing others that they are actually best friends while all the time loathing each other. This is how low you can go – it’s even lower than six feet under my friends.

I understand, life happened to you. You went along. You did not stand in it’s way, just chose to get washed away like a lifeless body in a gushing water. Stop wishing – make it happen. Not just once in awhile- don’t let this be like the spell of rain at Atacama Desert - be consistent in getting what you want. I don’t mean be ruthless or selfish or do anything illegal or unethical or ungodly because believe me that will give you no satisfaction just sleepless nights. Find yourself, love yourself, embrace who you are, change for the better, know what you want to be – and be that person. Go for a safari, a spiritual retreat, a spa, a holiday, a walk in the park – just you with well – you. And discover who you are. What you love to do, what gives you real happiness, what makes you smile, what songs make you happy, what have you being missing, what are you searching for? Each time you unveil who you really are – you are  expanding your world and extending it to your loved ones. Who wants to be trapped in a room with four walls, so you let no one in. But once you are in this open and blissful world – you will attract the ones you love and the ones who love you, to come and join you there and your world will keep getting bigger and better.

Only if we are content and at peace with ourselves can we be of any use to another – else we are just a hindrance!

My Happy Song :)

Rhythm of Love by Plain White T’s…

My head is stuck in the clouds, she begs me to come down
Says, “Boy, quit foolin’ around”
I told her, “I love the view from up here, warm sun and wind in my ear
We’ll watch the world from above as it turns to the rhythm of love”

We may only have tonight
But ’til the morning sun, you’re mine, all mine
Play the music low
And sway to the rhythm of love

Well, my heart beats like a drum, guitar string to the strum
A beautiful song to be sung
She’s got blue eyes, deep like the sea that roll back when she’s laughin’ at me
She rises up like the tide the moment her lips meet mine

We may only have tonight
But ’til the morning sun, you’re mine, all mine
Play the music low
And sway to the rhythm of love

When the moon is low
We can dance in slow motion
And all your tears will subside
All your tears will dry

And long after I’ve gone, you’ll still be humming along
And I will keep you in my mind, the way to make love so fine

We may only have tonight
But ’til the morning sun, you’re mine, all mine
Play the music low
And sway to the rhythm of love

Play the music low
And sway to the music of love
Yeah, sway to the music of love

How some songs make you happy, put a smile on your face or lift up an otherwise drudge day. My heart is filled with joy and suddenly everything looks as light as a bubble… And all my worries rise up in the air and only happiness surrounds me.

We all have that song – that makes us happy.. What is your happy song? What makes you wanna nod your head along in agreement and skip to infinity??

 

You have been PROFILED…

After racial profiling comes the new age of social profiling and what I like to call ‘Colleague profiling’ (doesn’t have an actual terminology yet – so calling that to get the point across). 

What is colleague profiling? Although it comes under the huge umbrella of social profiling, I would like to throw some light on this so that it gets it’s due limelight. I will have to take you back to your first day in the organization, it could be your first job or the tenth one. Have you observed how the shake hands and lips word “Pleasure to meet you”, but the eyes and face say -”So you are the new guy hired in my department.. hmmmm”? That is colleague profiling. First day is always awkward. What are these people thinking? What are they staring at? People getting out of their work stations, swirling in their chairs to have that one look to see who their new competitor is. They will stare at the clothes you wearing, to the stilettos you clanking on the marbled floor, or the poise you walk with and the manner you are seated. Your interactions are gauged, your every move is being monitored. You feel like you have just stepped in the observation room filled with curious scientists or doctors or you in Heaven where you the lovely angel (matter of perspective, yours not theirs). 

I know men are thinking this happens only with the ladies and women are thinking well only men are more worried about competition. But both get equally profiled. With Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn marking its territory on the social media along with it making ‘social profiling’ the next big thing, what chance does human with an inbuilt technical system of profiling and judging people. Creating their own algorithms in their heads, analyzing the facts as they see and providing their own conclusion and reaction to the other, hold. Technology is popularizing this concept with Klout and facial recognition on iPhones that allows us to calculate someone’s Klout score just by aiming our phone at them. (I enjoyed reading this article - http://www.socialmediaexplorer.com/digital-marketing/the-problems-with-social-profiling/ You may too). Now you adding a feature like this to the incomprehensible human mind – what a deathly weapon-  what a disaster? 

Colleague Profiling is what makes one judge the other you work with – is he/she friendly, forward, nasty, mean, backstabbing, in-your-face or just plain nice – all this and more is available under this profiling. Also, you can share your opinion with one word with all your close pals at work. All this is in air (similar to ‘the cloud’) – you need no gadgets and it has the ability to linger there for as long as yours and other’s memory space allows it.

Why am I against it you ask? Well firstly this profiling asks me to change my mannerisms, behavior and conduct with my colleagues which may or may not differ from my behavior and conduct with friends. You asking me to be someone I am not so that someone I don’t care for may find me to be a nice person – Twisted. Secondly, It scars your reputation. If someone who may be an extrovert may very quickly get a bad name and people may act frisky while on the other hand an introvert may miss out opportunities cause may not be viewed as a team player or get avoided as not seen as popular – Nasty. Thirdly, we all are here to work so why can’t we gauge a person just on the work he/she does why does it have to get personal or social. When we walk into our office each day, we want to be accept for who we are, cause that brings out the best results in our work. If I am not someone who puts up with rubbish and gives people their due to their face and if I am asked to tone down and been taken advantage of – I don’t quite know how to react otherwise and hence the person feels they have gotten away with it – it’s called being ‘Professional’ about it (I just learnt it a few years back). But honestly how is that helping anyone. While I understand that at work we must maintain work ethics I am not quite sure it means to give up on your personal values and ethics. Just because someone has a problem with the way I am I address the problem by changing who I am – well I have a problem with that.

How do I get away from Colleague Profiling? Well you can’t. You can try by being quite, not coming in anyone’s way and minding your business but still in some way you will soon be profiled. It is a quiet activity, you know it’s happening but have no evidence. So you just ignore. Let people think what they may. Choose discernment – know who can be your friends, who are your friends and who can be a potential profiler. If you good at what you do or worse best at what you do then you are sure to make more enemies than friends. But that’s fine you always knew you not here to make friends just do your work.

You spend half your lifetime working, most of your youth is spent in those confined four walls and judgmental faces, you can choose to mull over it or choose to take the best from it and make the most for yourself. A word of caution – it is easy to become a colleague profiler yourself. So next time you look someone from top to bottom, or pass a judgement – Stop and think – the one standing behind you is doing the exact same thing  

What I stopped doing by the age of 29…

As I was patiently waiting for the days to go by and the clock to tick to March 2, 2013 – 12.00 AM, my mind wandered to the things around me. That is the thing of growing up around familiar – it always has stories and memories to recall. As I looked around I realized although not much had changed over the last decade, things felt different (italic added for emphasis). I was a different me. I thought of a fun activity – to list things I stopped doing by the age of 29.

1. Stopped dancing senslessly in my room in fornt of the mirror to loud music by teen singers like Britany Spears, NSync, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Enrique and the sorts.

2. Stopped reading fantasy fictions and children mysteries - Harry Potter, Nancy Drew, Secret Seven, they were better left up on the self.

3. Stopped having fun at parties – where loud music and girlfriends were the only things that drove you to headbang and look stupid around a bunch of strangers.

4. Stopped going for long bike rides at wee hours – to feel the cold breeze on your face as you push your speed limits to more than the permissible.

5. Stopped chatting with friends till midnight – making plans for weekends, vacations, outings – when time was no constraint.

6. Stopped running – to run fast against the wind, feeling breathless and watching the world pass by.

7. Stopped going alone to a coffee shop, sipping on the coffee and reading my favorite book, watching people and analyzing their lives and making my own stories.

8. Stopped taking risks – living on the edge, making a difference, being truely happy in whatever I did and be less grumpy.

9. Stopped caring – With age I realized we get more non-chalent and less bothered about others needs and be more involved in your own needs as time is less and there are too many people to keep happy and fit in that free time available.

I stopped doing a lot of things. Some things are a part of growing up while some I see as me missing out on the good things in life. Why as we grow we loose the better part of ourselves and nurture the bitter part. Time is one factor that dwindles with age – what you do with it and how you make it enjoyable will help you continue things you once enjoyed but stopped….

What do you take home on your last day at work?

I picked up the several birthday cards I had received that year and put them in the box. What people I was backing could not see, was the sadness I was so desperately trying to hide behind my non-chalant behaviour.

It was a choice I had made, yet it made me sad. My last day at my first job was even more beautiful than my first day. My team was gathered in a conference room with my Mentor and Manager at the other end of the VC dialed in from US, wishing me luck and suming up my days and contribution untill this day we part. My friends and collegues made it as normal for me as they could without making me feel like it was my last. Much like the disease you don’t want to talk about fearful that it makes the patient feel bad. My friends from all departments gathered in the cafeteria and got me my favourite cake and a lovely parting gift and real special individual goodbyes. We all worked till 8.30 PM even though our work gets done by 6.30 PM. They all waited till I was ready to for the last time hit ctrl-alt-delete. That was it, I would never log into that machine again, I gather all my birthday cards and put them in the box and turned to see my friends and collegues gathered around me. People who I shared my happiness and sorrows with, people with whom I shared my darkest secrets. People for whom I stood by through controversies, people with whom I celebrated their special days. People whose new start to a new life we shared, people with whom we threw to the wind our worries and cares. And now I had to say goodbye to it all.

Yes years down the line like today, as I write this article, I realise that people move on, things change and life teaches you to live with it and take it all in your stride. I sat in my new workplace wondering how my last day here would look like when that day did indeed arrive – how I would like to be remembered, what would I take with me. I have had the experience of leaving an organisation, my second home once, so I speak with experience and sometimes in hope when i do list the following:

Be remembered for your goodness: In a corporate environment we are constantly asked to be selfish, inward and cut throat. I say what good is that? I know that this will give you success, may help you grow faster as you have eliminated most of your competition, but I ask you what have you gained? I ask again – honestly what have you gained? No real friends, when you down and lonely or you just need to vent out, you have no one to go to. When you need the help and goodwill of your colleague, you will just see a back turned around. Your schemes of past will catch my friend so invest time in doing good for those you work with, that’s what builds real relations – not the scheming or your witty games, that merely leaves you alone. You will be remembered for the good you do unto others. So take heart, invest in people.

Make friends: We spend half our day at work, interacting with people, sharing, caring or merely listening and speaking. We spend a part of the other half sleeping and with our loved ones. So as you see the people we work with are the people who edify you, shape you, define you to a certain extent. So choose the people wisely you wish to spend those hours with. Most of us don’t have a choice, we cannot choose our teams always. But we can choose the friends we wish to hang out with, people who can help us grow as individuals, one who motivates us to do greater and better things, one who sticks around, stands up for you and sees you through your trials at work. I am quite lucky to have built relations and made friends at work. Few of whom I am very close to even though I have left the organisation and some who have left me in my current workplace. That’s what I am talking about – I can still call them to rant or for advice or simply to listen to me. And they will do it happily. I have made friends for life and that’s one thing we all can have and cherish no matter where we go in life – a true and everlasting friendship.

Crib less: It’s human to crib. We always feel like something is missing. A better career, more growth, a greater experience, new technology and maybe one of the reasons why people look out a change or feel frustrated within. We have a choice- try this today- Crib Less. Be happy and content with where you are and if you really unhappy do something about it and not just crib. It’s really unfair cause one you bring yourself down and work less than your capacity and secondly you bring those around you to a gloomy depression and believe me no one wants to be around somebody who constantly cribs. So change that, you do not want to be remembered for your constant complaints now do you?

Write your story while you here: As a writer I can’t help but say this and truly believe that we all write stories wherever we go. We touch lives, we impact and we always make a difference however big or small. We all start writing a story the day we join an organisation- the people we meet are the characters of our story, some are heroes while some are mere villains while some are the supporting artist and the workplace is your storyboard, the situation the place in which the scene is set. It’s up to you how you choose to write your story, with a sad or a happy ending.

It has been 2.9 years since I left my previous organisation, but I still have people I have worked with remember me as i remember them, they may have moved on in life too, gone to different organisations, but we still a part of each others lives. No one has forced it, it’s a choice,it’s the good memories that makes it really hard to leave a place or the person behind, so you choose to take them along wherever you go. Technology has made the world a small place and I am thankful for that. Always remember what you achieve when you working, like promotion, fast growth, more compensation at the expense of backstabbing, or stepping on someone’s toes will only leave you with a whole lot of money and a feeling of emptiness. It has been 2.3 years and counting since I am working for a new employer and when the time comes to say goodbye I wanna gather enough memories to write a memoir and not a heart that has gone cold.

So for all those out there it’s never to late to write your own story, to build your own memories, to be alive in the mind of those you share an office or at least 10 hours of your day with. So decide today, think – What will you take home with you as you click for that one last time ctrl – alt – del….

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

When you’re out of love …..

When did love have a status?

When did love have a face?

When did love have so many questions?

When did love stop being about you and me from us?

So if you have questioned yourself once too many times, I ask you to question yourself – what will happen when you’re out of love…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkHuQDucniI

What’s your job relationship status?

You know how people keeping saying ” You are married to your job man” without really comprehending the undertone. I decided to dig a little deeper to understand if there indeed lies a real relationship equation between you and your job and if it is equally complicated if it’s a girl and equally sorted if it’s a guy.

So taking inspiration from the social networking king, Mark Zuckerberg‘s “Facebook” relationship status list, I will try to relate as realistically as possible,our relationship with the organization we work for.

Disclaimer: The characters (if any), names and events in this blog are entirely fictious. Any reference to any person, living or dead is entirely coincidental. However, the hurt and humiliation are quite intentional.

Please scroll below to select your appropriate relationship status with your current organization:

SINGLE: You have currently applied into your dream organization and while you are waiting for the call or to be interviewed or the interview results, enjoying your last few days of unemployment or freedom (as you may choose to see).

The  equation: Here in relation to the organization, you could be Single by choice or by force. It’s by choice if you decide to just delay finding a work or find an alternative in the form of further studies. It is by force if you have applied into multiple companies and are still jobless.

IN A RELATIONSHIP: You are recently working for an organization, it could either be your new job, a new role, or your first job.

The  equation:  It is like the initial two months of any new relationship where everything is wonderful and you refuse to see anything as being wrong or bad. This is where you sing “Life is wonderful, la la la”…. But don’t forget this is where the seeds are sown, for what you will reap later.

IT’S COMPLICATED: You are in a love-hate relationship. One which you can’t live with and neither can live without. You are pretty sure of where you want this relationship to go but at the same time don’t want to stop looking out for that perfect job, the one made just for you.

The  equation:  This is a situation in which you are happy where you are but are still searching for that one thing that is amiss. The thought what if this is not ‘the one’ for me, what if there is something better out there for me, just what if… Questions for which we seldom have a definite answer for untill we take the risk of loosing what we have and find that one thing that will supposedly complete us.

ENGAGED: You love your job or people you working with or for and find it hard to look out of this relationship for something new and exciting.

 The  equation: You have been officially enticed by the pseudo MBA’s and their jargons like, growth opportunities, strategic role, you make a difference and my personal favorite, you are important to us. This is the beginning of the road you choose to travel, you stop searching and start settling with what you have and dream the dream to go a long way…

MARRIED: You have finally made the commitment, taken the plunge, sworn to be together in sickness and health, forever together.

The  equation: You have weighed the pros and cons and finally decide that the known devil is better than the unknown (replace it with Angel incase you truly happy in your current organization). This is where things only go up for you - promotion, salary hike, partnership, COO, royalties, loyalties, the works.  You have finally decided to settle down and finally reap the benefits of all the hardwork you put in.

 WIDOWED: You are the victim of an unfortunate event recession, insolvency, fraud or closure. For no fault of yours you have no choice but to move on.

The  equation: A situation for which none of us are ever fully prepared even though we know that the health is deteriorating rapidly, we always see a hope, feel that it will revive untill it collapses right in front of you. You have no choice but to gather your memories and move on.

DIVORCED: You have given your heart and soul to this relationship but whatever you did or do is never enough. So you amicably decide to go your separate ways.

The  equation: This situation is inevitable in today’s world, where there is so much competition and expectations, it is difficult to remain loyal. You always have the unfulfilled feeling that makes you look out of the relationship, in search to find a better living, so that both are happy apart instead of being miserable together.

As you can clearly see there is no real difference between the relationship of a man and a woman and that of a man and his organization. Each go through atleast one of the above stages and face similar turmoil and heartache as any other real relationship. Hence, I suggest think before you get into a relationship with an organization, it could either bring you a happily ever after ending or just a heartache that you will need to get over sooner or later.

Some may get fired from their jobs, some may decide to leave in search of something better, some may silently suffer in their current job and grow bitter while some courageous may decide to just get up and leave without calculating the risks and consequences. I ask you today, whoever you maybe, is it time to change your relationship status yet?

What Sex and the City Character are you?

I got introduced to the women’s most adored sitcom in the early 2000′s on HBO (after the 9 PM movie). Sex and the City set the tone for what a woman can expect as she draws near to her dreaded 30′s. I always watched with awestruck slowly learning in my teens the lessons of my adulthood. Whenever her little Macbook was switched on to write the words of wisdom, I listened with apt attention and always pondered on these questions of life every women needs to face. ” Does true love really exist?”, “can you really ever forgive, if you can’t forget?”, “When did we stop being free to be you and me?”, and my personal favorite – “As we speed along this endless road to the destination called “Who-We-Hope-to-Be,” I can’t help but whine, are we there yet?”

The series captures the real-time situations that any women goes through in her late 20′s and 30′s in most developed and now developing countries. Although viewed by most men as ’waste of time’ and ‘feminist’ and viewed by most women as ‘guide to live life’, for me it’s merely about asking the right questions as we live on. Sex and the City starts with a taboo word Sex (although very little of it entails that). Imagine growing up in India and telling people your favorite sitcom is Sex and the City (be rest assured to be judged and ripped apart by the orthodox natives). But today I have no shame admitting that I kind of happen to like that series (my guy friends here may choose to disown me, but who cares, this is who I am). The series revolves around the life of four girlfriends and the challenges that they face as women (which is mostly centered around men). Allow me to introduce to you the characters that brought to life a part that each women today can identify with:

1) Carrie Bradshaw -> is the literal voice of the show as each episode is structured around her train of thought while writing her weekly column. Her questions make you want to think, rethink and then honestly try to restructure your life. She makes you look inward, the source of all the misery and happiness. I do not agree with her ways of dealing with her problems or her take on morality, but I do agree with her profound questioning of life for a woman after 30′s..

2)  Charlotte York -> She is the most conservative and traditional of the group, the one who places the most emphasis on emotional love as opposed to lust, and is always searching for her “knight in shining armor.” She is the goody two shoes who believes that love will strike you in the most unexpected way and that the ‘one’ is out there somewhere.

3) Miranda Hobbes ->  is a career-minded lawyer with extremely cynical views on relationships and men. Type A, workaholic personality, but she soon finds a way to balance career, being single and motherhood. She portrays all those women who place their careers above boyfriends and family and who do not make a big deal about raising a child single-handedly and without compromising her career. She is the spirit of every women who was told to sit at home after delivery.

4) Samantha Jones -> the oldest by far of the group, is an independent publicist and a seductress who avoids emotional involvement at all costs, while satisfying every possible carnal desire imaginable. She is all those high -flying girls who have no faith in love and sees relationships with men as mere carnal.

While I am not going to judge the lifestyle or the school of thoughts either of these girls come with, what I am simply doing is trying to analyse and understand how each of carries questions get answered throuigh the varying lifestyles of her and her friends.

I am just going to randomly list down few valuable lessons I learnt that I take with me as I enter the 30′s:

Lesson 1: Always surround yourself with your trusted friends:

In this day and age where friends are mere masks and viewed only as besties at clubs and parties, she has found her three pillars that keep her going. Every girl at any age needs an ear who will listen to her, someone who she can turn to for help and suggestions as she faces life’s tough questions, someone who merely states the obvious and helps her to see the reality. You need honest, truthful and caring friends to take you through a happy and contented life.

Lesson 2: Always look for those alternatives that make you happy:

Even though someone women may hate to admit that they are not shopaholics I would like to ask them to stop kidding themselves. Every woman has her soft spot, something that always lifts her spirits when she is down and it always involves spending huge sums of money. Unlike guys women to do not crash to bars and get drunk to drown down their sorrows, instead visits a mall to find that one special thing that never fails to fill the hole. Shoes, bags, clothes, bling or books whatever it maybe always go to that place that brings you happiness and you will always return rejuvenated.

Lesson 3: Never let another take control:

Generally people have a tendency to give too much in a relationship. While that is not necessarily bad, you may want to rethink how much control you would like the other to have in your life. I realize relationships are a compromise but what is the point of living and loving someone who is always trying to change you and hardly accepts you for who you are. If that happens, run no matter how much your heart aches or your mind reasons, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and respects you for who you are and not the image he has in his mind.

Lesson 4: A woman does not need to depend on a man to meet her needs:

What is all the rubbish of man having to gift you things you truly desire. Diamonds and pearls, earrings and rings, a phone and an I-pad, even a bloody soft toy seated in the kids section minding its own business is subject to witnessing a 30 yr old women saying, ” Aww baby that is so cute. I want”. Aren’t we earning enough to afford ourselves these pleasures we seek for in these materials things. Since when do we need a boyfriend/husband to fulfill those needs. Why does society put so much pressure on men to always woo the women with all these material stuff? Do we come that cheap? Can things buy our love and attention? Clearly it does, that’s why Facebook has a zillion pictures and updates that states “Bling gifted by my husband”, followed by a close up picture of the car, diamond ring or world tour photographs. I may sound bitter and while I have nothing against that all I would like to state is please don’t judge or reject the guy based on how much he earns. You are capable enough to earn and run the family if need be. Don’t wait for a man to buy you a diamond ring or don’t get married cause you want an imported car or an US visa.

Lesson  5: Relationships are simple do not complicate them:

I have been told a thousand time, “why do women complicate lives”? While I stand there staring in space, I can’t help but agree with my men counterpart. Girls we indeed do make it complicated. When you near your 30′s you already done with playing all the mind games while you were in your 20′s, what you now look for is a stable and caring relationship. Where you can be honest about your feelings, the way you feel and don’t expect him to surprise you with gifts or dress up for a dinner date. You don’t really make a big deal if he did not call, all hell does not fall loose if he does not compliment you or notice the new hair cut or God forbid he is busy. You do not bother yourself with the petty stuff, you do not ovethink everything. Here my friends you have what we call a mature relationship. If you don’t like something – state it, if you can’t tolerate a behaviour – voice it, if you not happy with the way things are – talk it out as adults.. This is very important for a real relationship. While we all love the occasionally cooing and attention, sulking and not talking about it will not help you achieve the same either. Believe me when you least expect it you will be surprised beyond belief. I have learnt this if nothing, leave the man alone and he will in his time and space give you all you ever dreamt of.

I am no Carrie Bradshaw to give relationship or life advice, I am no Charlotte who is in a hurry to start a family and settle down (not just yet), I am no Miranda who has a great career, focused and absolutely knows what she wants, I am no Samantha for sure just by the lack of glamour and men I know. But yet I am a girl nearing her 30′s, asking those life’s most sort after questions that we have pondered upon since we were teenagers and yet look for answers – sometimes in sitcoms like Sex and the City, sometimes in our relationship, sometimes in our lonely lives. Each of our lessons will differ, each of us will answer those questions differently, each of us will choose a different path to tread on, yet the quest for the truth will continue as each teenage girl sits by her window to ponder upon the questions she will have an answer only as she nears her  30′s

“Fallen Princesses” or Fallen hope???

Sunday, August 05, 2012 as I was scanning through the Life section of Times of India, I noticed an interesting article about: ‘Not a happily-ever -after story’, an interview with Diana Goldstien- a photographer who has given us a twisted visual of our ever loved fairy tales. And it made me wonder has it already come to that?

Diana has given us a lovely yet gruesome illustration of the fairy tales that we have grown up with. She calls it the realistic version or may I say that it is not a happily ever after ending after all.. She has taken the wonderful and much idolized Princesses from the wonderful books of our childhood and narrated what happens to those very princesses once we close the book at “and they lived happily ever after”. What caught my attention is when she said, ” But at the same time, it’s my job to teach them that they can’t get everything they wish for, and that not everything turns out as they had hoped. It doesn’t have to be a negative message just a realistic one.” Do I really want to take that away from my children? Do I want them to grow up being realistic – not believing in magical love stories like Cinderella or value friends of all kinds like Snow White and seven dwarfs or be kind natured and simple as the Red Riding Hood or wait for your true love like Rapunzel? The question is do I want to take that one hope – that world is a beautiful place to live in, away from them?

The above image illustrates Rupanzel has cancer, undergoes chemotherapy and loses her lovely locks.

Really do I want to get this real with my children who feel that this princesses who waited for her true love to come to rescue her all along to see her happy ending – end this way? Why can’t she go through life with her loved one and have a healthy normal life? The very fact that she had lovely long healthy hair shows that she has the ability to look after herself and live a wonderful life – why is she dying of cancer? And almost ironically, she is trapped back just this time in a hospital, waiting not for her Prince but death instead – how cruel..

This one is my favorite – Snow White’s marriage is a nightmare as she manages four kids without help, and her Prince Charming turns out to be an out-of-work sloth.

If Diana was a married Indian women she would have definitely throwing in the living with the in-laws angel to make it more dramatic. But that’s a whole other topic I will blog about someday soon. Now tell me do you want your little girls grow up believing that their Prince Charming are all useless, good-for-nothing man who just sits around the house, throwing his weight and being of absolute no help to his wife or kids? Such men exists, indeed, but I want my daughter to be able to distingush between a man who would be a sloth and one who would be a wonderful husband. Men these days not just bread winners of the family but also contribute equally at housework to ensure that each have their own recreational time and I know men who actually take care of the children all alone while the ladies go out pamper themselves. I want my daughter to believe that a guy like this is out there somewhere and that she shouuld not settle for less and I would definately want my son to realize that is want to be that man and not the one portrayed above.

Last but not the least – our beloved -Cinderella: cinderella getting drunk in a bar

I absolutely grew up with the hope that one day the love of my life will sweep me off my feet and just like Cinderella will take me away from all my worries and look after me.. What does an image of this very Princess who I idolized, sitting in a bar all alone tell me? Has her true love left her, or did he not turn out the way she expected him to be, or did she catch him have an aff’air with someone? Would I idolize a character like that? Do I want my daughter to grow up thinking – ‘what’s the point of loving anyway if this is how it ends each time?’

Fairy Tales are woven in the words of hope, miracles, magic and the fact that anything is possible. Yes, the world is hard – each one of these so called Princesses had their share of hardships – remember Cinderella how she endured the ill treatment of her step sisters and step mother? How Rapunzel was kept captured in a tower with absolutely no contact to the outside world? How Snow White took care of seven little creatures and waited long enough to meet her love? But I did not see them lose hope, instead I saw them have their dreams come true.

When my mother read me the fairytales she told me to believe – to dream – that anything was possible-you only got to want it so much and fix your heart upon it, eventually it will happen – you will meet your happily ever after at the end. And I grew up believing that, and I am going to make my children grow up believing the same. There is enough reality in the world to keep us awake for the night, we need more fairy tales to makes us fall asleep….