I got introduced to the women’s most adored sitcom in the early 2000′s on HBO (after the 9 PM movie). Sex and the City set the tone for what a woman can expect as she draws near to her dreaded 30′s. I always watched with awestruck slowly learning in my teens the lessons of my adulthood. Whenever her little Macbook was switched on to write the words of wisdom, I listened with apt attention and always pondered on these questions of life every women needs to face. ” Does true love really exist?”, “can you really ever forgive, if you can’t forget?”, “When did we stop being free to be you and me?”, and my personal favorite – “As we speed along this endless road to the destination called “Who-We-Hope-to-Be,” I can’t help but whine, are we there yet?”
The series captures the real-time situations that any women goes through in her late 20′s and 30′s in most developed and now developing countries. Although viewed by most men as ’waste of time’ and ‘feminist’ and viewed by most women as ‘guide to live life’, for me it’s merely about asking the right questions as we live on. Sex and the City starts with a taboo word Sex (although very little of it entails that). Imagine growing up in India and telling people your favorite sitcom is Sex and the City (be rest assured to be judged and ripped apart by the orthodox natives). But today I have no shame admitting that I kind of happen to like that series (my guy friends here may choose to disown me, but who cares, this is who I am). The series revolves around the life of four girlfriends and the challenges that they face as women (which is mostly centered around men). Allow me to introduce to you the characters that brought to life a part that each women today can identify with:
1) Carrie Bradshaw -> is the literal voice of the show as each episode is structured around her train of thought while writing her weekly column. Her questions make you want to think, rethink and then honestly try to restructure your life. She makes you look inward, the source of all the misery and happiness. I do not agree with her ways of dealing with her problems or her take on morality, but I do agree with her profound questioning of life for a woman after 30′s..
2) Charlotte York -> She is the most conservative and traditional of the group, the one who places the most emphasis on emotional love as opposed to lust, and is always searching for her “knight in shining armor.” She is the goody two shoes who believes that love will strike you in the most unexpected way and that the ‘one’ is out there somewhere.
3) Miranda Hobbes -> is a career-minded lawyer with extremely cynical views on relationships and men. Type A, workaholic personality, but she soon finds a way to balance career, being single and motherhood. She portrays all those women who place their careers above boyfriends and family and who do not make a big deal about raising a child single-handedly and without compromising her career. She is the spirit of every women who was told to sit at home after delivery.
4) Samantha Jones -> the oldest by far of the group, is an independent publicist and a seductress who avoids emotional involvement at all costs, while satisfying every possible carnal desire imaginable. She is all those high -flying girls who have no faith in love and sees relationships with men as mere carnal.
While I am not going to judge the lifestyle or the school of thoughts either of these girls come with, what I am simply doing is trying to analyse and understand how each of carries questions get answered throuigh the varying lifestyles of her and her friends.
I am just going to randomly list down few valuable lessons I learnt that I take with me as I enter the 30′s:
Lesson 1: Always surround yourself with your trusted friends:
In this day and age where friends are mere masks and viewed only as besties at clubs and parties, she has found her three pillars that keep her going. Every girl at any age needs an ear who will listen to her, someone who she can turn to for help and suggestions as she faces life’s tough questions, someone who merely states the obvious and helps her to see the reality. You need honest, truthful and caring friends to take you through a happy and contented life.
Lesson 2: Always look for those alternatives that make you happy:
Even though someone women may hate to admit that they are not shopaholics I would like to ask them to stop kidding themselves. Every woman has her soft spot, something that always lifts her spirits when she is down and it always involves spending huge sums of money. Unlike guys women to do not crash to bars and get drunk to drown down their sorrows, instead visits a mall to find that one special thing that never fails to fill the hole. Shoes, bags, clothes, bling or books whatever it maybe always go to that place that brings you happiness and you will always return rejuvenated.
Lesson 3: Never let another take control:
Generally people have a tendency to give too much in a relationship. While that is not necessarily bad, you may want to rethink how much control you would like the other to have in your life. I realize relationships are a compromise but what is the point of living and loving someone who is always trying to change you and hardly accepts you for who you are. If that happens, run no matter how much your heart aches or your mind reasons, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and respects you for who you are and not the image he has in his mind.
Lesson 4: A woman does not need to depend on a man to meet her needs:
What is all the rubbish of man having to gift you things you truly desire. Diamonds and pearls, earrings and rings, a phone and an I-pad, even a bloody soft toy seated in the kids section minding its own business is subject to witnessing a 30 yr old women saying, ” Aww baby that is so cute. I want”. Aren’t we earning enough to afford ourselves these pleasures we seek for in these materials things. Since when do we need a boyfriend/husband to fulfill those needs. Why does society put so much pressure on men to always woo the women with all these material stuff? Do we come that cheap? Can things buy our love and attention? Clearly it does, that’s why Facebook has a zillion pictures and updates that states “Bling gifted by my husband”, followed by a close up picture of the car, diamond ring or world tour photographs. I may sound bitter and while I have nothing against that all I would like to state is please don’t judge or reject the guy based on how much he earns. You are capable enough to earn and run the family if need be. Don’t wait for a man to buy you a diamond ring or don’t get married cause you want an imported car or an US visa.
Lesson 5: Relationships are simple do not complicate them:
I have been told a thousand time, “why do women complicate lives”? While I stand there staring in space, I can’t help but agree with my men counterpart. Girls we indeed do make it complicated. When you near your 30′s you already done with playing all the mind games while you were in your 20′s, what you now look for is a stable and caring relationship. Where you can be honest about your feelings, the way you feel and don’t expect him to surprise you with gifts or dress up for a dinner date. You don’t really make a big deal if he did not call, all hell does not fall loose if he does not compliment you or notice the new hair cut or God forbid he is busy. You do not bother yourself with the petty stuff, you do not ovethink everything. Here my friends you have what we call a mature relationship. If you don’t like something – state it, if you can’t tolerate a behaviour – voice it, if you not happy with the way things are – talk it out as adults.. This is very important for a real relationship. While we all love the occasionally cooing and attention, sulking and not talking about it will not help you achieve the same either. Believe me when you least expect it you will be surprised beyond belief. I have learnt this if nothing, leave the man alone and he will in his time and space give you all you ever dreamt of.
I am no Carrie Bradshaw to give relationship or life advice, I am no Charlotte who is in a hurry to start a family and settle down (not just yet), I am no Miranda who has a great career, focused and absolutely knows what she wants, I am no Samantha for sure just by the lack of glamour and men I know. But yet I am a girl nearing her 30′s, asking those life’s most sort after questions that we have pondered upon since we were teenagers and yet look for answers – sometimes in sitcoms like Sex and the City, sometimes in our relationship, sometimes in our lonely lives. Each of our lessons will differ, each of us will answer those questions differently, each of us will choose a different path to tread on, yet the quest for the truth will continue as each teenage girl sits by her window to ponder upon the questions she will have an answer only as she nears her 30′s